All I Want for Christmas is Some Diaper Relief!
Lucas Danner Alexander is our first grandson.
He’s a talkative, cheerful, inquisitive fellow and so handsome!
Turned three-years-old three months ago and headed into four,
but obstacles abound for little ones entering that door.
The door just mentioned leads to the bathroom. Just another skill to learn.
Besides, have you priced diapers these days? We don’t have money to burn.
The lessons there now focus on numbers one and two.
Indelicate, but stay with me…you use the loo, too, Sue!
I hope this ditty’s rating doesn’t garner x’s three.
No obscentities, mind you, just seeking H-E-L-P.
Gimme a break; it’s a first for this Baby Boomer,
to resort to something like toddler bathroom humor!
For the girls out there, we’ve come to know, you do it sitting down.
Us guys prefer to do number one a little higher off the ground.
But if Lucas doesn’t learn to aim, he’ll contract a malady,
typically incurred by older men: it’s fluid on the knee!
It’s true we all pick up this skill before age twenty.
If not, you’re likely ostracized and having problems plenty.
It’s been that way since time began. I learned it as a pup,
that, doggone it, I’d better hit the mark when I’m standing up!
Lucas, dear, is so sincere and trying very hard,
to master number one inside, as opposed to out in the yard.
He’ll succeed, I’m sure. It’s coming along. Just a little more practice time.
But number two is a bug-a-boo. I’ll have to watch my rhyme.
I’ll choose my words carefully here and try not to stoop,
to gross descriptions (that you’re thinking already); I’ll just call it poop.
Lucas has been reluctant thus far to take this sitting down,
but Mom and Dad are seeing signs that he will come around.
Let’s end this bathroom discussion right here, before I make you sick.
But if the chance should come your way to teach a tyke these tricks,
you’ll appreciate this discussion we had and thank me after a while.
Then, afterwards, when you visit that room, you’ll sit…remember…and smile.
Steve “Poppy” Alexander
December 25, 2008
